Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
