My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
