i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
