his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
