ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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