He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
