What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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