thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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