I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
