ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
