I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
