we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
