I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i drank out of a bidet.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
