So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
