could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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