i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
