Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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