I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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