nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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