it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
