Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
