I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
