some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
