I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
