why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
