can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
