Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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