No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
