Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
