after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
