Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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