it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
whose ass print is on the piano?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
