My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
