There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
