butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
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