I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize