would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
