i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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