when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
