Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
