just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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