im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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