yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
