at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
