you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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