I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
