The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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