Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
