i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
