I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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