I hate all girls vehemently.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Randomize
