your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Boobs speak an international language.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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