i can't believe i had my finger in that
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
