i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Semen is not good for contacts.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
