Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
